Heavenly Indulgence
Terms And Conditions
Terms and Conditions
According to ancient scriptures, how many “Commandments” are there?
If you said, “TEN,” you would be among the vast majority. You would also be woefully wrong!!!
As hard as it is to believe, there are a jaw-dropping 613 “Commandments” listed in ancient scriptures, governing almost all facets of living, which we are supposed to obey. And, violation of any of these Commandments, constitutes a “sin.”
A wise person once said, “Sins are an imaginary disease, invented to sell you an imaginary cure.”
If you doubt this sentiment, here is a sample list of “sins” officially recognized in the scriptures:
Sample List of Sins for Website
Wearing gold jewelry, especially crosses (Timothy 2:9)
Eating bacon, spare ribs or other pork (Leviticus 11:4)
Not to embarrass others (Leviticus 19:17)
Not to bear a grudge (Leviticus 19:18)
Not to curse a judge (Exodus 22:27)
Being jealous of your neighbour’s possessions (Exodus 20:17)
Not to consume gravy (Leviticus 3:17)
Having impure thoughts about someone (Matthew 5:28)
Not to make or cast an image (Leviticus 19:4)
Not to perform as, or consult fortune tellers (Leviticus 19:31)
Not to be superstitious (Leviticus 19:26)
To not self-induce a trance or foresee events or tolerate soothsayers (Deuteronomy 18:10)
Not to engage in Astrology (Leviticus 19:26)
Not to say incantations or cast spells (Deuteronomy 18:11)
Not to attempt to contact the dead (Deuteronomy 18:11)
Not to consult with mediums (Deuteronomy 18:11)
Not to consult with wizards (Deuteronomy 18:11)
Not to do sorcery (Deuteronomy 18:11)
Not to dress in slutty clothes (Timothy 2:10)
To not shave your beard (Leviticus 19:27)
Men must not wear women’s clothing (Deuteronomy 22:5)
Women must not wear men’s clothing (Deuteronomy 22:5)
Not to wear pearls (Timothy 2:9)
Not to tattoo your skin ( Leviticus 19:28)
Not to shave your head in the morning (Deuteronomy 14:1)
To have fringes on the corners of your garments (Numbers 15:38)
A man must marry a woman before living with her (Deuteronomy 24:1)
To marry a childless brother’s widow (Deuteronomy 25:5)
A raped virgin must marry her rapist (Deuteronomy 22:29)
Having sexual relations with a beast (Leviticus 18:23)
Not to have homosexual relations (Leviticus 18:22)
Not to have sex with women who are menstruating (Leviticus 18:19)
Not to eat sea creatures without fins or scales (Leviticus 11:11)
Not to eat creatures that live in water, other than fish (Leviticus 11:43)
Not to eat an animal that wasn’t killed in ritual slaughter (Deuteronomy 14:21)
Not to eat an ox that was condemned to be stoned (Exodus 21:28)
Not to eat blood (Leviticus 3:17)
Not to eat the fat of some clean animals (Leviticus 3:17)
Not to eat the thigh muscle of animals (Genesis 32:33)
Not to eat milk and meat cooked together (Exodus 23:19)
Not to cook milk and meat together (Exodus 34:26)
Not to eat bread from the new grain harvest (Leviticus 23:14)
Not to eat the fruit of a new tree for the first 3 years (Leviticus 19:23)
A man must not cut his hair (Numbers 6:5)
To not eat fresh grapes (Numbers 6:3)
To not eat grape skins (Numbers 6:4)
To not enter a room containing a dead body (Number 6:6)
Do not plant diverse seeds together (Leviticus 19:19)
Do not crossbreed animals (Leviticus 19:19)
Eating raisins (Numbers 6:3)
Eating food steeped in grapes (Numbers 6:3)
Not to work different animals together (Deuteronomy 22:10)
Not to wear polyester (Deuteronomy 22:11)
Eating fourth year crops (Leviticus 19:24)
You must burn incense every day (Exodus 30:7)
Having wet dreams (Leviticus 15:16)
Being in the presence of a menstruating woman (Leviticus 15:19)
Masturbating (Leviticus (15:16)
Desiring someone else’s possessions (Deuteronomy 5:18)
Ignoring a lost object (Deuteronomy 22:3)
Not to insult or harm anyone with words (Leviticus 25:17)
Not to overcharge or underpay for an article (Leviticus 25:14)
Keeping a slave longer than 6 years (Exodus 21:2)
Eating while working (Deuteronomy 23:26)
Lending money and charging interest (Leviticus 25:37)
Borrowing money with interest (Deuteronomy 23:20)
Cursing a head of state (Exodus 22:27)
Not respecting your father and mother (Exodus 20:12)
Not fearing your father and mother (Leviticus 19:3)
LEGAL DISCLAIMER
This website and the products it creates, with your input, are intended for entertainment purposes only, for the use of atheists and anyone with an appropriately irreverent sense of humour. They are meant as good-natured fun only, and should not be taken seriously in any way. If this concept offends you, please leave this website immediately and do not make a purchase.
This website and the products it creates, with your input, do not imply, nor confer any special rights nor privileges to neither the purchaser, nor the recipient…including, but not limited to: immunity from criminal prosecution, or protection from civil liability.
This website and the products it creates, with your input, may not, under any circumstances, be used to slander, liable, threaten, blackmail, coerce, insult, embarrass, demean or shame anyone else. In other words – it’s all meant for a good laugh…don’t be a dick!
This website uses the power of the Big Fucking Sin Absolver 6666. The BFSA-6666 is the result of countless centuries of thinking, conception, creativity, design and invention, by scientists, most of whom were atheists. This tireless work to improve the world, culminated in the invention of modern day electronic calculating (computers), invented by atheist Alan Turing, and by atheist Tim Berners-Lee, who invented the World Wide Web.
This website and the products it creates, with your input, are 100% approved by Loki – the Norse god of mischief
Terrestrial locations named “Hell,” do not qualify for the refund offer. For example, the town of Hell, located in Norway. We aren’t here to fund your pickled herring binges!
All sales are final. No refunds, unless you can provide irrefutable, fact-based proof that you actually ended up in hell because of the sin described in your self-administered absolution.